ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
