and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
