feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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