Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
