The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize