the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
