is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
