I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
