I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
