I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
