brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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