You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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