I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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