I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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