Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
