weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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