Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
