i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
