you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
