Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
