my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
