you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
