sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
