tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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