Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
