Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
