I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
