4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
