my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
