Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
