Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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