No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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