she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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