Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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