I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize