i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
