I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
