I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
