If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
foreskin is a definite game changer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
