I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
