Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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