Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
