I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
