There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
