The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
