Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
