the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
