Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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