I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
