I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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