I accidentally burped into my bong.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
