You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
