tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
