You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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