I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
