im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
