If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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