FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
