i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize