I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
