my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
