I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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