Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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