Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
